Mean Girls — Grow Up

I used to teach high school students, and I was an unwilling witness to the painful rites of passage of adolescent girls and boys.  While this passage is equally painful for both sexes, I’m going to focus on girls.  Why? Because I am one — I have two — and I see daily the aftermath of these trying times!

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Think back to when you were 15. Did you like yourself? Were you too fat, too flat, too plain, too tall, too smart (yes it was very possible to be too smart)? Were you convinced when a group of girls was gathered together that they were talking about you? Did you spend hours deciphering comments and looks from other girls to determine if you were “in” or “out”? We competed with each other for boys, for attention, for popularity, for a place on the cheerleading squad. And we didn’t always play fair. Our weapons weren’t fists and shouts, but looks and innuendos and sly compliments that were insults in disguise. I don’t know many women who escaped from adolescence with their self-esteem intact. And it’s worse today with so many new weapons to choose from: Facebook, Twitter, YouTube.

Why am I writing about this now when my own teenage angst is as faded as the bellbottom jeans I used to wear? Everyday, I work with, know and meet scores of talented women who limit their potential and engage in destructive behaviors that would be familiar to any middle-schooler. It’s well documented that women often behave poorly towards other women in the workplace. Under-cutting, back-stabbing, glory-hogging are just grown-up versions of teenage aggression. Research suggests that as girls we had no acceptable outlets for anger, such as shouting or fisticuffs, and so subverted our anger into more covert, socially acceptable means.

Whatever the reason, the workplace is tough enough. We all want meaningful work, a supportive environment, and appropriate recognition and rewards. Let’s not make it harder on ourselves or each other. Growing old is not a choice. Growing up is and it’s a choice we owe ourselves and each other.

Advertisement